Let me tell you a story about a girl that spent so much of her time, day dreaming about life.
She would spend hours watching other people live their life and enviously sit back and think about the ALL the ways that she herself could not live a great life.
And there were a lot of reasons that she told herself.
- Not smart enough.
- Or brave enough.
- No one would share it with you.
- You’re not pretty enough.
- You’ll never have that kind of money.
- You have no talent to do that.
- People would judge you and think that you don’t belong there.
- You’ve never done that before and therefore could possibly not be able to do it.
- You can’t be away from your family for that long.
- No one will listen to you.
- You have too much anxiety.
- Learn to accept the life you’ve been given.
- You are too fearful.
These are so many reasons that many of us have go through our head.
I have those reasons go through my head!
I mean if the self-hate train could run all by participation then it would only need my ticket.
Before we go any further, let me tell you that I am no expert in this subject. I claim no professional education but I am a person who goes through trial and error then tell you what I have learned.
But let’s be honest and say that even though we all think these things, we can’t help but have that tiny voice in the back of our minds whispering to us about how amazing would it be if we COULD have that life?
How awesome would that be?
Well, I gotta tell ya that I think I might have figured out the secret to learning how to step out that fear and start the steps to build our best life.
It’s a big thing to sort out, so let me tell you a little bit about how I decided to figure it out.
My start of inspiration
As some of you might know, my uncle died just a couple weeks ago.
He was a young man, 34, who had just started a new business, new wife, and a son.
I hadn’t spoken to him in a long time but still thought about him and about the next time we would see each other. Probably on a camping trip with the rest of the family and now that future reunion will never happen.
The memories that will never be made are something that I will always regret. The ones that I did make are more precious especially now that the possibilities to have more are ripped from me.
I can’t spend my time always saying NO anymore because I never know when the last time will be to make memories with another important person in our lives.
Anyways I’m starting to ramble.
The point is that as we sat through the memorial and going over my uncle’s past, I was shocked at how much he had done.
He was a marine that was part of an anti-terrorist squad (SO PROUD OF HIM) he got his bachelor’s degree in sports science, had several successful businesses and so many amazing stories from all of his family and friends about how alive he was.
How much he chased the thrill while still being down to earth, ready to lay down his own selfishness and take up a cause for those he cared about.
He wasn’t afraid to push the boundaries and wasn’t afraid to get into a scuffle. To stand up for what he believed in.
I found myself sitting there learning so many new things about someone that I thought I had known and it was then that I made the decision that no matter how afraid I was, I couldn’t let my life slip into something mundane that sucked out my soul.
I want to live my best life.
My uncle’s life has inspired me so much to live my best life despite any obstacles and not only overcome them but to soar over them. To take the courage that change what needs changing even if it’s scary.
Since then I have been taking stock of what holds me back from living my best life and it’s FEAR.
Living in fear
This is a several folded issue that many of us have.
I know for me that the biggest part that my fear injects into is my anxieties. Many things that seem to come naturally to others are rift with anxiety for me.
Getting out there in front of other people? Anxiety.
Making friends? Anxiety.
Going out to the bar at 3am? No, not happening because I’m actually a sane person and know that people should be asleep LOL but you get the idea.
So many parts of my life being held back are anxiety fueled by fear.
For the last several days I’ve been thinking about what is it that other people seem to have that let’s them live their best life.
I’ve found several things that I’ve been able to implement into my life that have already started giving me the tools to live a greater life than I would have thought.
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13 steps to stop living in fear:
Change your state of mind
This is challenge for many of us but we have to retrain our brains to think that we’re up to living a life worth living.
It’s my belief that many of us don’t allow ourselves to really live because we don’t think that we deserve it or are up to it.
Prepare yourself for a challenge
Change is not easy for anyone.
The honeymoon phase of deciding to make a necessary change in our lasts only for a few weeks before our resolve starts to wane.
Understanding the difficult prospect ahead helps us to hold onto our decision.
There will be many obstacles that pop up that will try to tear you back down, people will doubt you, you’ll doubt yourself but that doesn’t mean that you give up. On the contrary, you simply look up and smile because the goal at the end will be worth it and you know it.
Elevate your standards
Raise yourself up to higher standard.
Often the things that hold us back are really things that should be beneath us, whether it’s tolerance of someone else’s actions or our own. I’m guilty of this! I’ve robbed myself of opportunities because I simply didn’t hold myself up to a higher standard.
For example, I’ve often thought that people cut corners. That’s just what they do right? Push the boundaries a little bit instead of putting in more hard work? Instead of working a couple extra hours on my homework, I would guess or outright lie and then be surprised when I found out that other people around me who I admired had simply done the work.
(I was shocked? How silly LOL)
See what I mean though? I failed myself in those moments.
It’s not easy to hold yourself to a higher standard but I doubt that you will ever regret it.
Have a backbone for your own life
One of the most difficult things is to do is to stand up for yourself.
Maybe it’s because we don’t think that we’re worth the fight.
That’s a lie. Tell yourself that right now! This lie that you’re not worth the fight needs to be stamped out! Fight for yourself!
I’ve found that it’s always easier to fight for someone else rather than yourself.
So when you find yourself in a situation that needs a little backbone, think about how you should react? Think about how you would react if it were happening to your best friend. How would you react then?
Fight for yourself like you would a best friend.
Cut out the negative in your life
Do a life audit and figure out what is adding to your life and what needs to be cut out.
It could be anything really. I know that a lot of us instantly think about toxic people that need to longer be associated with but go a step beyond and think about these things in particular. It’s not just others that affect us.
Surely people are a HUGE part of it! If you hang around negativity, it’ll rub off on you and you’ll find yourself reacting the same way. In the same light, when you try to change your life these people could be a hindrance.
How do you cut them? I’ll be honest; I have never been very good at this even when my life would be SO MUCH BETTER if I had. Lately when I find myself needing to cut someone out, I do one of two things.
ONE, I silently let them go. I don’t accept invitations out, I don’t contact them, and if we’re buddies on social media, I un-follow them.
This can be very difficult and a long process.
TWO, I express my needs to someone else that I trust very much like my mom. I tell her why I think it should happen and we’ll make a game plan together. Plus, if for someone reason I do have to be around a negative person, I’ll take her with me so she can help mediate the situation and hold my resolve to not be more vulnerable with that person than I should be.
What are some things that you’re doing that negatively affect you?
Too much TV time?
Not eating right?
Too much sleep?
What about exercising?
Take the time to think about what your doing that could be done differently to help you reach your best life.
- Social networks
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter…*sigh * there are a few things that I enjoy about social media. It’s a great way to stay in touch with people but it can also be SUCH a problem. It is all too easy to get sucked into the world of perfection, false reports, and “keyboard warriors”
Do you get sucked into the false pretenses?
How can you avoid the negative side of social media?
Maybe you simply need a break or limit the amount of time you spend on social media.
Stop the comparison
One of the biggest problems that happen when trying to figure out how to live our lives is that so many other people surround us and we play the comparison game.
Comparison is a true joy stealer.
Remember that the outward appearance that someone let’s you see, may not be the case. You don’t know that state of their heart, home life, or happiness.
Focus on you and what you can do. Turn the blinders on and don’t compare yourself anymore.
Don’t give up
Do you know why so many people don’t reach their goals? They seek instant gratification and when that doesn’t happen. These people give up! And they don’t understand that the journey is not straight and narrow but it twists and rolls. It’s difficult like I said before in our second point. So it’s important to always be looking forward, toward your goal. You’ll get there!
Develop what your best life looks like to YOU
This is important to do because you don’t want to chase a life that might not be right for you. I know that I want adventure but if there isn’t downtime in that life or time for me have my time to myself, I’ll burn out and I won’t be very happy. This works for me! It’s part of my best life.
It might not be the same for you and that’s okay! The point is to make YOUR best life, not what everyone else thinks it should be.
Don’t be afraid to be afraid
Learn how to have the courage to do it anyway.
I always thought that in order to have certain experiences I couldn’t have any fear!
The point is to do it even if you are afraid. I love that quote from the Princess Dairies, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear.” Fear is a natural part of life. There is no point in trying to ignore that but courage is your choice.
Turn anxiety into anticipation
This comes with a shift in your mindset and how you think.
Dustin is thinking about enlisting into the military, which I’m sure you can understand is a very scary thought. The possibility of relocating, change in our relationship, and so many other things but instead of dwelling on these things in fear I’ve started to think about all the good things that could happen! I say them out loud and think about all of the amazing experiences I could have instead of allowing the fear to drag me down.
It’s still terrifying but the excitement is out weighing the fear.
There is no magic trick
We’ve talked about this before! It’s along the same lines of a long journey and not giving up but it’s also important to think about how easy it is to constantly wish for something to just ZAP us to the end!
To have some easy little trick to make it easy on us and no longer have to think about how much work is ahead of us. I’m sorry to tell you that there is no magic trick.
There is only hard work and your own determination.
Know your worth
You deserve your best life! You are so worth it! Remember that and don’t let anyone deter you from your course.It's time to no longer be afraid to live Click To Tweet
Understand that if someone else has it doesn’t mean you CAN’T have it as well.
I’m guilty of it! So much! I spent a long time in junior high playing this “I call it” game. This was when one my friends or myself would call something and it became off limits to the others. We took it way to far. Hobbies were taken off the table.
Boys – even fictional ones!
Remember to pin
All of these began getting sucked up and I didn’t think that way so when I mentioned that I was interested in something, one of my friends called it the next day and because I was loyal, I let them have it.
It took a long time to accept that just because someone else has something does not mean that I would be taking it away from him or her. Or vice versa! I’m not a huge advocate for “copying” it’s one of the best ways to give a compliment and just because they have it does not mean that I can’t have it as well.
Future decisions about what we would choose such as cars, career, or homes.
It is a difficult decision to chase after a different life that you might never have thought possible.
It’s terrifying to step out of your comfort zone.
Insane to think hugely and dive head first into the desire.
And even scarier to think about staying still.
Even more difficult to become stagnant.
Plus it’s insane to keep watching other people live without living your best life.
I overcame my fear when I thought about how people would remember me when I die. I don’t want people to remember how afraid of life I was but instead to find encouragement in my life and the inspiration that they can do it too.
Tell me in the comments why you want to overcome your fear 🙂
All the best,
P.S! One of the bravest things that I’ve done so far is starting this blog! If you want to start your own blog, head over here! I’ll walk you through the whole process and even give you OVER 300 blog ideas 🙂